Deep Thoughts..

It's hard to decide what to write about, there is so much on my mind. So I thought that I would just come here and vent about stuff for all the hundreds of people that are reading this. I need a vacation of some sorts. Not just a weekend vacation but like a whole week or something. I don't see anything like that on the horizon. What I do see is a never-ending view of working. It's not like school where you can see 3 months of freedom somewhere down the line. This is it. I started working after college and I won't stop until retirement. All of these fantastic years of life that I have been given will be spent couped up in some job.

This job that I have now is the first job that I have had that is in a business/office atmosphere. I have always worked at restaurants and coffee shops before. I realize that the big corporations are the ones that allow us to have everything that we have in the world--technology of all kinds, food services, grocery stores, gas stations, airplanes, plumming in our houses, houses themselves--everything has a purpose. But, more and more, I don't like the business world (what little I've seen of it). People get so wrapped up in issues that seem so petty to me. In fact, people seem to get so wrapped up that they miss out on family functions, skil their vacation for the year, lose that free time that everybody should have. I personally do not want to get to the end of my life (hopefully 100 or so..) and think: "I put too much stock in my work and kept putting my life off, and now I look back on those days and weeks and months and years that I could have done something exciting and fulfilling and I see nothing but stress and paperwork."

I do have a bit of an unrealistic dream. I don't want to work. I don't want my husband to work. I want to travel the world with him and experience things that will make me a better person and will enrich my life. I want to live my life to the fullest possible potential. At this point I work and then go home and watch t.v. while my husband surfs the internet. Real fulfilling life. Granted I do a lot of other things that are fulfilling and enriching. But what about that time where I'm sitting watching t.v and not interacting with the person that I have chosen to spend my life with? We spend time together but what about all those hours spent sharing our lives with technology instead of eachother? How much richer would our relationship be if we used that time with eachother instead. Obviously, everybody needs alone time so that's understandable. And I do like t.v. and he likes the computer--there's nothing wrong with that, but I wish that we would cut down a little. I want to create good habits in our marriage early on. I want to come home and be excited to see him (I am) and not be excited for that show on t.v. THAT is a waste. This is obviously just one aspect of a meaningful life for me. Our relationship is wonderful, I have so many moments where I can't believe how lucky I am. I guess my point is: How much MORE wonderful would it be if we had used all those hundreds of hours spent cuddling up with technology as opposed to eachother?

I kind of went on a rant there. The point of this blog is just what happens to be going through my mind at the time, and right now because I have SO much time to sit and think about life at my job, this is what I'm thinking. How can I make my life more meaningful? For me I think that I just need to resign myself a little bit to the fact that, yes, I will have to work until retirement. However, with that time that I'm not spending working why don't I make the most of that? Instead of watching t.v why don't I write some more songs? Take a couple more classes? Save up for a great vacation? Spend quality time with my husband? Just have some time to read a book or listen to music?

I know that I have more to give then what I'm giving now. I know that I'm feeling this way cause something is getting surpressed. I know that my relationships have a lot more potential then I'm allowing them to have. I know all these things. I just get so overwhelmed with what to do with myself that I just screw it all and turn on the TV.