A New Post

As I'm sitting here waiting to start painting the upstairs room, I thought I would make a post on this old site of mine.  Looks like it's been three years!  My, how time flies.

Last night, Dalton and I made the trek down to PLU to hang out with some Choir of the West Alumni.  It has been almost 10 years (10 years!!) so we decided it was time for a little reunion.  These were people that were such a giant part of my life - and Dalton's.  In fact, we met in choir and our first date was on choir tour so it has had a big impact in our life besides just having great friends and memories.

It was amazing how easy it was to just slide back into how things were.  Old jokes came back, old stories came out and our interactions all just seemed to ease back into place exactly as they were.  Except for the fact that many of them now have children and completely different lives.  We all decided after we laughed and ate and drank at a pizza parlor down the street from PLU that was occupying a block that used to be an old thrift store, we decided to walk to the campus and look around.  This was the best part in my opinion.  Walking around campus with many of these people and seeing the (mostly) familiar sites and smells and sounds of PLU almost, for just a minute or two, felt like we had never left.  Things had certainly changed but a lot was the same.  Ordal, one of my old dorms, still smelled like burnt popcorn, the scratches on my dorm room door were still there - just a different name on the door.  The Cave was still stupidly closed on a Saturday night at 10pm (I never understood that), the music building still had the beautiful glass flowers in the windows.

The grass was a little taller and thicker in the amphitheater - we all noticed that, the UC was enormously different, same floor plan and general structure but much cooler and bigger on the inside (they can thank our money for that!), the dorms and all buildings now had a card scanner you needed to have to get into the buildings.  Thankfully, I'm not shy about tapping on the windows annoyingly until somebody came out to let us in...the old Eastvold auditorium had had a complete overhaul so we went in and it was completely different.  I stood at the front and looked back towards where the balcony had been and could remember what that vantage point used to look like.  The Coffee Shop, the place where I spent at least 10 hours a week working, no longer exists.  In it's place are classrooms and asking students on campus about the Coffee Shop just brought blank stares.  The Bistro, another place I worked, also does not exist anymore.  The seniors were 12 when I was a senior.

I'm getting older.  Last night was just one more example of that fact.  But somehow, it was so easy to be back there and to feel those old college feelings of days that I loved.  It's hard to believe it's been 10 years. 

Hello?

Does anybody read this, or is this just for me?  Answer.

My Nanny

Tonight my great grandmother, Margaret Storer passed away at the age of 98.  Even while I'm writing this I cannot believe or comprehend that she is no longer alive.  Death is such an odd thing.

Nanny was a woman I thought would live forever.  She just kept going.  Until today when she died, she lived on her own in her same home she had lived in for over 20 years going up and down the stairs each morning and night.  She was lonely but she was insistent on living in her home without any help.  She loved sweets, especially chocolate.  Every time I would go and visit her I would make sure to stop by the store and pick up some sweets for her.  She loved her ice cream and cake and always had treats for us when we came to visit.  Even as adults she would shower us with food and treats. 

She was a fascinating woman.  I have two very different families.  My dad's side is so open and sharing and just bursting at the seams with love for one another.  My mom's side of the family (the side that Nanny was on) is much more quiet and personal and much more mysterious.  The love is the same, it's just more personal. That being said, Nanny has always been so interesting to me.  As I became an adult I was able to have more candid conversations with her and learn more about her.  Turns out, she was very open to talk about herself and her past -- perhaps people just didn't ask often enough.  Either that or as she got older she just felt like she had nothing left to hide. 

Her past is still full of secrets and confusion for me.  One I thing I do know is that her first husband, my great grandfather, was a heavy gambler and was pushed off the Roosevelt building in Seattle when my grandfather was very young. I was told her had some mafia ties.  That is all I know, I would love to know more.  She worked with the air force later in life and that is where she met her second husband, my grandpa John, who passed away 10 years ago. 

The last time I saw her was this summer when Dalton and I met in Spokane my sister and brother-in-law and their new baby Greta at the lake. We made a stop off at Nanny's to visit with her.  I am so thankful that Dalton video taped the whole conversation and time.  The purpose at the time was to document Greta meeting her great-great grandmother.  Little did I know that he was also capturing the last time my sister and I would spend with her.  I will always cherish that video.

I am so proud to have called her my family.  She was so strong and stubborn and lovely and stylish. I am so glad that part of her is forever part of me.  

My Loves: Billy and Elton

Tonight I am seeing two of my all time favorites. Yep, you guessed it. Billy Joel and Elton John. I saw Elton John about 2 years ago in Pullman (Pullman?) and it was amazing. BUT, I have always wanted to see Billy Joel, probably more than Elton. I love him. I love his music. I love his lyrics. I love his voice. Part of it is nostalgia - I grew up listening to him, so that probably has a lot to do with it. So, in honor of my two loves of the day here are your songs. Soon, I will devote an entire blog to my loves...all of them. I bet you can't wait all my fans.

And So It Goes   Billy Joel.  And I know Alana, I should have chosen She's Got A Way.  But I'm feeling this one today.

Rocket Man  So good. 

I'm back again...3 years later.

I thought about starting an entirely new blog but then I realized that I enjoyed having these old posts around. To remind me of what I was, and what I still am. I enjoy reading them.

I've decided to try to add to this more frequently because I've been stalking other people's blogs lately (admit it, we all stalk.) and I feel like I have stuff to say as well. Here's the catch: you must put up with my terrible grammar and my incessant ranting because that is pretty much what you'll get from me. So, either deal with it and read it...or don't. Seems fair.

So, what's on my mind right now at 12:10am on Sunday morning? Well, a lot. Ready? Here comes the ranting. I think I wanted to restart this blog thing as an opportunity to get things out of me. I think I bottle up more than I should. Those of you who know me really well are probably laughing right now. "Jenny, bottle up? The girl who starts talking and doesn't stop for 5 days?" Well, that's true. But things I have realized about me lately is that I share a lot but I keep a lot inside. I can be extremely surface. Some of my friends recently have told me that I surprise them with reactions to things or that some of my actions or discussions I've had with them lately are very "un-Jenny like". Well, what is "Jenny-like"? What does that even mean? I'm learning a lot about myself lately and some of it I really like and some of it I really don't. But one thing I am learning is that I can deceive myself pretty easily and then put on that particular face for people when I'm feeling something completely different. I'm sure a lot of people do it but I always considered myself a very genuine person. I'm starting to wonder how true that is.

Lately (and by lately I mean the last few months), I have come to a lot of conclusions about myself and have become more confused about myself than I think I ever have. I guess everybody goes through periods like this. I used to (and sometimes still do) laugh at people when they talk about "figuring out who they are" or saying things like "I don't really feel like I know myself" or "I didn't really feel like I knew myself until at least my mid-thirties". How do you not know yourself? You, above everyone else in the universe, should know yourself the best and if you don't...that's just weird. Well...I kind of get it now. Sort of. I don't think it's about figuring yourself out, at least for me it's not, it's that people are forever growing and being influenced by new people or new situations. That's one of the great things about life, it's constantly surprising. How would I know I liked brussel sprouts until I tried them? I didn't learn something new about myself, I had just never experienced them before.

I don't even know if that makes sense. See what I mean about the ranting? Good for you if you're still following.

Another thing I'm trying to do is listen to more music. So, at the end of each post I'm going to leave you with a song to listen to and try it out because all of you out there should also be experiencing new music or re-visiting music you already know. Music is amazing. On a recent trip down to LA for an audition I took along my mp3 player. I'm relatively new to this tiny thing that can hold 30+ albums. I just don't get it. But, I decided to take it with me since I would be traveling alone and music makes me happy. I realized that by having this thing with me, suddenly my life had a soundtrack -- it was great!

Anyway, back to that song thing. Your song assignment tonight is to listen to Bruce Cockburn (pronounced Coe-burn...unfortunate spelling for him). A song called "He Came From the Mountain" I'll let you come to conclusions about this song. I have my own but that's why I like music, everyone hears something different.

I'm Back

For all of my adoring fans out there. Alana.

You know what happened? I got happy. I stopped feeling like I needed to vent everday. I quit my job wiping people's butts and started to make money doing what I love. Yes, "Do what you love and the money will follow". It works. At least for me. I am doing music for a living now and making much better money than any of my other jobs. It's just more inconsistent. But that's ok. I like inconsistency, it keeps my life interesting. One of the things that I was missing in my life was the variety -- I was doing the same thing everyday, and by the time I had time to actually focus on things that I liked doing I was too tired and so I would complain about them.

So, what now? I don't really know. Now that I am doing what I love I feel more pressure than ever before from everyone else in my life that I am close with. "Go to New York, Jenny", "Take a language class, Jenny", "are you auditioning for any Young Artist programs, Jenny?", "No! Focus on musical theater, that's your passion, that's what you're best at.", "How about this, you pick the audition, anywhere in the country, and I'll pay for your airfare. We just want you to succeed."

Guess what? Me too!! The problem is, I don't know how much success I want, if I want to work that hard, if I want to sacrifice anything for success, and finally....if it's what I really want and not what other people want for me.

Dalton and I drove to Leavenworth about 2 weeks ago for the day. The drive up there is so beautiful -- along Steven's Pass. We drove through these small towns -- if you can even call them that-- that had houses sitting right on the edge of a mountain river. So peaceful. So perfect.

I want to sing, I want to perform, I want to get the recognition I feel that I deserve. But I also crave the life of complete anonymity. I have ALWAYS wanted to live in small mountain town where everybody knows everybody else and you spend your days reveling in nature and the simple pleasures in life. Sometimes I feel like the life I am leading now -- or where my life is going -- is a life that so seldom takes the time to just breathe and be. That's not me. Ok, I can't say that. I think the problem is, I don't know who "me" is. Oooh..that's pretty deep. But, it is very true.

In my first paragraph I said that I stopped writing because I was happy. That is true, I'm just confused and happy at the same time. I am soooooo thankful that I can do what I am doing and actually make a decent living off of it. I feel blessed beyond measure, because I know that so many other people would love to be able to do that. Maybe I am someone who will always want more, is that really a bad thing?

Maybe I do have things to vent about.

The Greatest Thing EVER

I have a tremendous passion. I guess I'm lucky, not everybody can say that. I LOVE theater. Actually, I just love performing. I am an entertainer through and through (even when I'm not on the stage). I absolutely can't live with out it.

In the past year or so I have really begun to take this performing thing seriously. I mean, I was a performance major so obviously I take it seriously. But now, I have a plan. I am auditioning for everything. I have some pretty big goals with theater and opera. Just this weekend I had an audition for an Opera Company ---- I'm really doing this. I'm not just TALKING about it like I do with so many other things in my life.

I'm currently rehearsing for my next show, Pirates of Penzance. It's going to be so much fun and I'm super excited to perform at the Bagley Wright theater in the Seattle Center. I finally feel like I'm moving up in the world of theater.

We had rehearsal tonight and that old excited, butterfly feeling came back to me. It always does when I perform, but I kind of forget about it when I'm not doing it. There is just something about becoming someone else on stage and completely immersing yourself in a role. Not to mention, theater people are the greatest group of people I know --- everybody is laughing and cracking jokes and everybody is so full of life!

Anyway, it's a great feeling to know that I have a true passion in life. I could not live without the sound of applause every now and then and nothing compares to the adrenaline rush when you are on stage by yourself singing a song to a packed house. Absolutely nothing compares. I must do this the rest of my life. I truley belive it was what I was born to do --- and I'm so glad that that is the case!