I'm Back
For all of my adoring fans out there. Alana.
You know what happened? I got happy. I stopped feeling like I needed to vent everday. I quit my job wiping people's butts and started to make money doing what I love. Yes, "Do what you love and the money will follow". It works. At least for me. I am doing music for a living now and making much better money than any of my other jobs. It's just more inconsistent. But that's ok. I like inconsistency, it keeps my life interesting. One of the things that I was missing in my life was the variety -- I was doing the same thing everyday, and by the time I had time to actually focus on things that I liked doing I was too tired and so I would complain about them.
So, what now? I don't really know. Now that I am doing what I love I feel more pressure than ever before from everyone else in my life that I am close with. "Go to New York, Jenny", "Take a language class, Jenny", "are you auditioning for any Young Artist programs, Jenny?", "No! Focus on musical theater, that's your passion, that's what you're best at.", "How about this, you pick the audition, anywhere in the country, and I'll pay for your airfare. We just want you to succeed."
Guess what? Me too!! The problem is, I don't know how much success I want, if I want to work that hard, if I want to sacrifice anything for success, and finally....if it's what I really want and not what other people want for me.
Dalton and I drove to Leavenworth about 2 weeks ago for the day. The drive up there is so beautiful -- along Steven's Pass. We drove through these small towns -- if you can even call them that-- that had houses sitting right on the edge of a mountain river. So peaceful. So perfect.
I want to sing, I want to perform, I want to get the recognition I feel that I deserve. But I also crave the life of complete anonymity. I have ALWAYS wanted to live in small mountain town where everybody knows everybody else and you spend your days reveling in nature and the simple pleasures in life. Sometimes I feel like the life I am leading now -- or where my life is going -- is a life that so seldom takes the time to just breathe and be. That's not me. Ok, I can't say that. I think the problem is, I don't know who "me" is. Oooh..that's pretty deep. But, it is very true.
In my first paragraph I said that I stopped writing because I was happy. That is true, I'm just confused and happy at the same time. I am soooooo thankful that I can do what I am doing and actually make a decent living off of it. I feel blessed beyond measure, because I know that so many other people would love to be able to do that. Maybe I am someone who will always want more, is that really a bad thing?
Maybe I do have things to vent about.
You know what happened? I got happy. I stopped feeling like I needed to vent everday. I quit my job wiping people's butts and started to make money doing what I love. Yes, "Do what you love and the money will follow". It works. At least for me. I am doing music for a living now and making much better money than any of my other jobs. It's just more inconsistent. But that's ok. I like inconsistency, it keeps my life interesting. One of the things that I was missing in my life was the variety -- I was doing the same thing everyday, and by the time I had time to actually focus on things that I liked doing I was too tired and so I would complain about them.
So, what now? I don't really know. Now that I am doing what I love I feel more pressure than ever before from everyone else in my life that I am close with. "Go to New York, Jenny", "Take a language class, Jenny", "are you auditioning for any Young Artist programs, Jenny?", "No! Focus on musical theater, that's your passion, that's what you're best at.", "How about this, you pick the audition, anywhere in the country, and I'll pay for your airfare. We just want you to succeed."
Guess what? Me too!! The problem is, I don't know how much success I want, if I want to work that hard, if I want to sacrifice anything for success, and finally....if it's what I really want and not what other people want for me.
Dalton and I drove to Leavenworth about 2 weeks ago for the day. The drive up there is so beautiful -- along Steven's Pass. We drove through these small towns -- if you can even call them that-- that had houses sitting right on the edge of a mountain river. So peaceful. So perfect.
I want to sing, I want to perform, I want to get the recognition I feel that I deserve. But I also crave the life of complete anonymity. I have ALWAYS wanted to live in small mountain town where everybody knows everybody else and you spend your days reveling in nature and the simple pleasures in life. Sometimes I feel like the life I am leading now -- or where my life is going -- is a life that so seldom takes the time to just breathe and be. That's not me. Ok, I can't say that. I think the problem is, I don't know who "me" is. Oooh..that's pretty deep. But, it is very true.
In my first paragraph I said that I stopped writing because I was happy. That is true, I'm just confused and happy at the same time. I am soooooo thankful that I can do what I am doing and actually make a decent living off of it. I feel blessed beyond measure, because I know that so many other people would love to be able to do that. Maybe I am someone who will always want more, is that really a bad thing?
Maybe I do have things to vent about.
posted by Jenny at
10:01 PM
2 Comments
