Things That Are Weird

1) My ex-boyfriend is getting married tomorrow. That's weird to me.

2) You know that book, "Do what you love and the money will follow" ? I can't figure out what to do in the meantime while you're waiting for the money to follow? Just be poor and hope it changes....??

3)My Space is really addicting and I can't figure out why.

4)I want nothing more than to do theater full time as a carreer, but I can't get myself to pick auditions songs and work on them.

5) I just started Mary Kay to try to make some extra money (and to earn the pink cadillac...) I never thought that I would start selling something. But, what have I got to lose? Maybe a little pride.

6) I can't seem to find a job I like enough to stay at for more than a few months. What's wrong with me?

7) I was making steamed cabbage last night and I went to reach for the Johnny's seasoning salt and accidentally grabbed the cinnamon. I scraped most of it off, but the remainder actually tasted good on the cabbage.

8)I really would like to lose a little bit of weight but I can't stop eating!

9)This one man that comes to the senior community everyday asks me out about 5 times a day and asks me to divorce my husband....weird, and uncomfortable.

10)I've kind of gotten used to wiping other people's butts.

In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
From the mountains of faith
To a river so deep
I must be looking for something
Something sacred I lost
But the river is wide
And it's too hard to cross

And even though I know the river is wide
I walk down every evening and I stand on the shore
And try to cross to the opposite side
So I can finally find out what I've been looking for

In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
Through the valley of fear
To a river so deep
And I've been searching for something
Taken out of my soul
Something I would never lose
Something somebody stole

I don't know why I go walking at night
But now I'm tired and I don't want to walk anymore
I hope it doesn't take the rest of my life
Until I find what it is that I've been looking for

In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
Through the jungle of doubt
To a river so deep
I know I'm searching for something
Something so undefined
That it can only be seen
By the eyes of the blind
In the middle of the night

I'm not sure about a life after this
God knows I've never been a spiritual man
Baptized by the fire, I wade into the river
That runs to the promised land
In the middle of the night
I go walking in my sleep
Through the desert of truth
To the river so deep
We all end in the ocean
We all start in the streams
We're all carried along
By the river of dreams
In the middle of the night

I was driving home tonight and this song came on the radio by Billy Joel. I think these lyrics are awesome! I have always been a huge fan of Billy Joel and I think this is one of my favorite songs. Plus, the lyrics seem to fit right into my life right now. I have absolutely NO idea what I'm looking for or what the heck I want to do with myself!

Humbled

It's been a while. Now that I have a job that actually requires me to some extent, I no longer have time for anything else. I like it, but I don't like it. I just think I'm not meant to work. Volunteer, yes, but not work. I need to know that my time is my time, and to me, my time is all the time. I know I'm no different than most people, but I have a seriously hard time tolerating this whole work thing.

Besides that, I do really like my job. Unfortunatley, it doesn't look like something that I will have for that long --- it just doesn't pay enough. However, in my two short weeks that I have been here I have learned a lot. First of all, if you have alzheimers or any kind of advanced dementia, you have no idea that Christmas has come and gone or that you just asked for that cookie 2 minutes ago. I also learned that your life can suddenly become a lot more interesting with just a little tweak there and a little tweak here, simply because you can't remember. The most humbling thing that I learned is that we are born babies and we die babies. What I mean is this: As a baby you cannot take care of yourself, period. As an elderly person this becomes increasingly difficult.

Today I had my first time in the bathroom with some of these aging adults. Awkward is not really the word. In fact, I can't think of a word. These people's pride has simply gone out the window. I just stood there and watched as if they were some sort of side show or something and they just didn't care at all. A co-worker of mine would say, "Bernice, this is Jenny, she's just going to watch today." As she is pulling her pants down including her adult diaper and setting her on the toilet. Bernice just smiled and said, "ok." Just like that. No pride. No embarrassment. Just acceptance.

That is precisely why I enjoy working with the elderly. Their wisdom is absolutely un-parallel. They have lived their life, accomplished a fair share of their dreams, had some let-downs, experienced loss, experienced every aspect of life that you can think about.

I am currently in a play called, "You Can't Take it With You". The title is very reflective of the main theme of the play. You simply cannot take your wealth with you. At point the main character in the play says, "All those dreams, what happens to them? It is only a handful of the lucky ones that can say they even came close."

At this point in my life, I can honestly say that so far I HAVE come close, and that makes me very happy and very humbled to live the life that I have. I think I probably will be one of the elderly that just shrugs their shoulders and says, "ok" when somebody else is pulling my pants down to go to the bathroom. Because, really, who cares?